“My partner has this annoying habit where they just don’t seem able to hang their clothes up. No matter how many times I ask them to do it, they don’t. It might seem like such a small thing but it really really irritates me. I feel like if they loved me then they would know how much it irritates me and make an effort to do better. It’s really making me cross regularly. What can I do about it?“
This is a really common issue for so many people, whether it’s partners or friends or children. Someone does something that annoys the crap out of you and won’t stop it. You then feel that they do it on purpose to annoy you or don’t care enough about you to stop doing it. As a result it becomes something you focus on – always looking, and results in feelings of frustration and anger. Let me ask you a few questions.
Firstly, do you want it to be resolved whatever that looks like. If you’ve tried everything to change the other person’s annoying habit but it’s not working, it’s worth remember the classic saying that the definition of madness expecting the same result. If you can’t change their behaviour, maybe change how you think about it. Anger is poison that only damages the vessel that carries it and the only behaviour you can really change is your own.
Moving on from that, is your belief they are doing it on purpose and by not changing it means they don’t love you a fact, or just your perception. Could there be another reason why they are doing it? Perhaps it’s not a priority for them the same as it is for you. Perhaps they don’t realise they are doing it or it’s unimportant for them. Why is your perspective more important? Also, do you do everything perfectly? Are there things you do that annoys them? Does it mean you don’t love them, it may not be a priority for you or a habit you find really difficult to break? Perspective matters.
Is this actually a deal breaker for you. Do you want to end the relationship because of it. Maybe think of the things they do for you that make you feel loved, change your focus.
Current husband does have habits which annoy the crap out of me and sometimes I do lose my temper – the same in reverse. I just remind myself that it’s actually trivial in the grand scheme of things. Try to think differently about it, accept it as their annoying habit and just hang their clothes up or ignore it. Remember, changing your thought process won’t happen overnight but what you practise is what will continue.
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