I’m really struggling in my marriage at the moment and I don’t know what to do.
“I’m really struggling in my marriage at the moment and I don’t know what to do. My partner isn’t interested in our marriage, she out all the time with friends and drinking heavily. I am working and taking care of our children but it’s taking it’s toll on me. I am hoping that she’ll be the person she used to be soon and I don’t want to end the marriage in case there is still a chance. What should I do?“
I’m so sorry that you’re struggling at the moment. It sounds like an incredibly difficult situation for you and I’m not surprised it is taking a toll on your mental health. Unfortunately, no one is able to tell you what to do in this situation but, I can give you some things to think about.
Even if your wife is going through her own struggles, boundaries still have to be set. Your mental health is just as important, if not more important than hers especially as you are the main carer for the children at the moment.
Living in limbo, not knowing what the future holds, waiting for something to change, takes it’s toll but can feel safer than making a decision to end the marriage. “What if I end the marriage and it could have worked? What if I don’t end the marriage and it never changes?”
Ask yourself some questions. What needs to change for your marriage to work? Is it something you have control over? If you have no control over it, what do you have control over? Bear in mind marriages take work from both sides in order to be successful.
Also ask yourself, what needs to happen for you to draw a line and say ‘enough’. What is stopping you from doing that? What is your fear of doing this?
What do you want your life to look like a year from now? Do you want to be in this situation still? What would you like your life to look like either still married or separated.
I strongly recommend that you seek some counselling for yourself in this situation. It would be really beneficial for you whatever the outcome. Even if you decide to keep trying, the counselling would help you manage the impact on your mental health and the impact on your children.
Finally, if you ever have dark thoughts of ending it all, please please reach out to Samaritans on 116 123. You matter
I’m so sorry that you’re struggling at the moment. It sounds like an incredibly difficult situation for you and I’m not surprised it is taking a toll on your mental health. Unfortunately, no one is able to tell you what to do in this situation but, I can give you some things to think about.
Even if your wife is going through her own struggles, boundaries still have to be set. Your mental health is just as important, if not more important than hers especially as you are the main carer for the children at the moment.
Living in limbo, not knowing what the future holds, waiting for something to change, takes it’s toll but can feel safer than making a decision to end the marriage. “What if I end the marriage and it could have worked? What if I don’t end the marriage and it never changes?”
Ask yourself some questions. What needs to change for your marriage to work? Is it something you have control over? If you have no control over it, what do you have control over? Bear in mind marriages take work from both sides in order to be successful.
Also ask yourself, what needs to happen for you to draw a line and say ‘enough’. What is stopping you from doing that? What is your fear of doing this?
What do you want your life to look like a year from now? Do you want to be in this situation still? What would you like your life to look like either still married or separated.
I strongly recommend that you seek some counselling for yourself in this situation. It would be really beneficial for you whatever the outcome. Even if you decide to keep trying, the counselling would help you manage the impact on your mental health and the impact on your children.
Finally, if you ever have dark thoughts of ending it all, please please reach out to Samaritans on 116 123. You matter
Once again, thank you for sharing.